I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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