you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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