just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
