There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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