You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
