totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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