would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
