She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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