Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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