Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
