We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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