Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize