What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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