just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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