the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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