Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
