hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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