dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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