mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
