When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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