Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he puts the penis in happiness.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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