Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
