Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
