he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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