I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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