Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
