im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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