Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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