i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
