he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
