it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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