WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
