she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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