A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
