Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
