Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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