You can't motorboat a personality
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
