hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
