I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
