plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
