OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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