Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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