She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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