Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
