Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
