all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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