so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
