just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
