I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
