I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
