You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
