I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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