Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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