my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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