he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
