I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
