Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
