He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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