Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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