I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
MIDGETS
????
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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