you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
