she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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