How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
