Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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