Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
