is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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