im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
