I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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