I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
