My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
