dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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