On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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