Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
