when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
