just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
