hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
