So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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