i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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