I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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