go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fuck appropriateness.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
