My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
