They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
