Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
