So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
