look no pants
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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