ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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